I'm Bored at Work

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Thursday July 31, 2008 Happy Thursday!  At least for me, since I have 4 day week.  Suck on that.  Now I get to go back to school and be bored even more often.  I know, I know, try not to be too jealous. Speaking of jealous, I can only dream of this kind of inspiration.  And by inspiration I mean mind-numbing boredom.  I think I like it because it reminds me of the giant walkers in Star Wars.  Yeah, I'm a loser. Wednesday July 30, 2008 What starts as childhood fun playing with Legos, turns into bored at work creativity.  This is truly art.  He even kept them all in the same direction for extra aesthetic pleasure. Tuesday July 29, 2008 This is what we in the business call "too little, too late."  And by we in the business I mean we who hate work.  Which is all of us.  Because if you like work, you wouldn't be bored at work, and thus would not be on this site.  And if you like work and are here for some reason...leave now.  We don't want you here.  Go back to work. But yeah, this guy has lost it.  The incoherency has reached a level 4 brain soup situation.  He's a step away from being the guy that's giggling nervously in his cubicle while playing marbles. Monday July 28, 2008 It's Monday, and you're bored at work guru is tired from a long weekend.  Luckily, I only have a 4 day week, because I am going to San Diego on Friday.  So pity to all of you that have a full week ahead.  Today might as well be Tuesday for me.  Except it isn't.  It's still Monday and it still sucks. Anyway, this guy must work for I Hate My Job, Inc.  When you resort to making mini sports equipment out of office supplies, it's time to look for a new job.  Sometimes I don't understand why employers demand 8 hour work days.  Clearly there are people out there that don't have 8 hours of work to do in a day. But along these lines, I'd love to see someone repaint their desk to look like a mini football field, complete with field goal posts and everything, and start at bored at work paper football tournament.  That kind of thing would cut productivity by at least, oh, 0% since people have nothing to do at work anyway. Friday July 25, 2008 This picture gets me as excited as Peppy Le Pew on viagra.  A beautiful woman bored at work.  Oh, Jenny, you can come over and be bored at work with me any day.  I can show you my worthless daily reports and time sheets and you can show me your....TPS reports.  Yeah. Thursday July 24, 2008 Well, is 9:40 and none of my bosses are here.  Not a single project manager in the entire building.  It's as if they want me to sit around and do nothing.  After playing PacXon for an hour and hitting over 30,000 points (I quit with 7 guys still left, too), I am once again completely and utterly bored at work.  This is why I feel qualified to be your humble guide to surviving work boredom. This is one of the most insane pictures I have seen involving extreme boredom at work.  This is a multiple person effort.  Or just one genius/psycho.  This is art.  Beauty.  And Horror.  I can only dream of coming into work one day and seeing this.  I don't even know where you get that many packing peanuts.  Some schools of philosophy say that boredom is a gift to our species that drive us to develop new and interesting things.  That's all fine and good, but it also gives birth to this.  These people have so completely lost it that the only thing left to do is fill a fountain pen with their own blood and use that as their permanent office pen. As for me, I'm going to go eat a cactus and cover everyone's keyboard with butter.  Just because. Wednesday July 23, 2008 This is why being bored at work with nothing else to do can be so destructive.  Not only can your own work boredom cause you to want to jump out of a window for some excitement, but it can make you play dirty tricks on your coworkers.  And then of course it gives you something to do when your boss says "That was a stupid and horrible thing to do, now go clean it all up." The real problem is that when your coworkers are bored at work, they are prone to engage in this type of activity, and thus disrupt your rhythm of enjoying work and being productive (ha, I know, I know, that never happens).  I actually kind of like this picture though.  It reminds me of Christmas time and singing "Walking in a Winter Wonderland."  Only this is more of a Post-It note wonderland.  Which is still cool because that has always been one of my favorite Christmastime songs.  Probably because my favorite disney movie is Alice in Wonderland, and for a couple days a year I got to believe I was in my own sort of Wonderland.  Only instead of Mad Tea Parties, Walruses and Carpenters, Cheshire Cats, and talk/smoking Cateripillars I had snow, ice, and a bad cold.  I really got the shaft on that one. Then again, Alice in Wonderland translated into Christmas would have come out something like the 12 Days of LSD.  "...Two Tweedle Dums, and a Cheshire Cat's disappearing head."  I like the sound of that.  But how many Croquet Flamingos would there be? Tuesday July 22, 2008 I've been at work 2 hours and I finished everything they set out for me.  Megods, what a job.  When it's 9am and you're done with your work for the day, and all you can do is sit around until the work bell rings, it's time to rethink things.  Or surf the internet until there's nothing left to look at. Or, in the case of a friend visitng the site last night, you can turn to inflicting pain on yourself.  Being a cop, he was actually tempted at one point to tase himself "just for the thrill."  Now that's boredom, folks.  But why do we do this?  Why do we feel the need to go to such extreme measures to get through the workday?  I have the answer: work sucks.  Enlightening, no?  It lacks the elegance and cathartic moment of, say, Socrates, but we can't all be deemed the wisest man alive by the oracle at Delphi. In other news, a good friend of ours turns 40 today.  Can you guess?  That's right!  The office cubicle.  The object of all our desires, dreams, hopes, and aspirations is turning 40 today.  And by aspirations I mean thoughts of coming into work wearing a trench coat and deciding that you won't be leaving the office alive that day.  Apparently we have a man named Robert Probst to thank for the design. If you're like me, you just cursed him and all of his offspring for 5 generations before you even finished that sentence.  But before we bust out the pliers and a blow torch and get Medieval on his kin, let's think of the alternative.  Before the cubicle it was just rows of desks next to each other.  With a cubicle, you can make it your own little space, put up some pictures, and have at least the illusion of some privacy.  So now you can have pictures of your house and your dog and family and remind yourself for 8 hours that you'd rather be in any one of those pictures than where you're at.  And that includes the picture of you holding up that prize fish you caught...thinking you'd rather be the fish than be sitting in your cubicle. Monday July 21, 2008 Another Monday at work.  And today has been extra crappy.  I'm usually bored at work as it is, but spending the first 3 hours of working making tabs for a Change Order book is not the way to start the week.  And I would say this picture probably represents all of us pretty well when we walk in on a Monday. Let's all try to get through the week without either killing ourselves or going insane.  After all, at least it's still summer, right?  Doesn't that count for anything?  No?  Yeah, you're right. Friday July 18, 2008 Well, it's Friday, so let's all get a little extra lazy today.  This picture inspires me.  In fact, I was just discussing my plans to a friend last night about opening up an old-style western saloon.  I want the old wooden tables, the bottles that just say XXX or XXXXX, and topped off with doors like this.  It would be great.  And everyone would think that I am insane when I walk in with my old cowboy hat and boots complete with spurs, a gold panning device, and my package of tobacco to roll my own cigarettes after spitting some snuff in the spitoon.  I think it would be a great place to go for a few drinks.  And so would the 4 regulars I would get before going bankrupt due to lack of other insane people like me that would enjoy that sort of idea.   But this picture.  I love it.  This isn't some cardboard thing he slapped up there.  That's complete with the faux wood finish and everything.  Not only can no one see what you're up to in your cubicle, but no one will bother you because they'll all think you're crazy.  But most importantly, this is a fantastic project to do while bored at work that is also a public message to everyone in the office that you don't do real work. Thursday July 17, 2008 The work gods have not been kind to this one.  It seems to me this must have taken more than a few minutes while bored at work.  This man's poor pathetic soul has turned to building weapons out of office supplies in order to keep his sanity.  Next thing you know he'll make a head out of a volleyball and talk to it in his office growing out a huge beard.  The things people will do to make themselves feel useful and clever.  But seriously, this is pretty cool.  The old and busted thing to do was shoot rubber bands at coworkers walking by your desk/cubicle.  But to shoot pens at them with a launcher made from paper clips, a rubber bands, some tape, and a spring?  That's bored-at-work ingenuity. Wednesday July 16, 2008 Here is a classic picture of someone bored at work and looking for something to do before their mind melts.  What a simple concept, too.  An eraser on a velcro motorcycle.  These are the things that will save your lives, folks.  If you sit around bored at work too long, your brains will slowly start to leak out of your ears.  This person clearly has nothing to do at work, but their work survival skills are honed well.  I especially like the devil horns.  It gives this work of art a certain level of anger.  Unless those are just pointy ears.  In that case, there's really no deep-seated Freudian frustration with this person's work.  Unless, again, they are actually eyebrows.  In which case, I'm just an idiot.  Anyway, keep up the good work. Tuesday July 1, 2008 Ah, The Good Ol' Disney Days Here is an article about Chinese police officers being trained to shoot while on scooters.  The part that gets me about the article is the ever-so-clever pun that makes fun of Asians in the title.  Any time you can throw in an Asian joke, it's well worth it.  It made me think of all the blatant stereotypes you used to see in Disney movies.  For example, the Indian chief from Peter Pan. Egads, what a character.  I dare Disney to pull something off like that now.  The dude is completely red-skinned, and has unforgettable lines such as "We smokum peace pipe" and "This time no letum go!"  You gotta love it. PFM This thing is nuts.  I got my undergrad degree in Electrical Engineering, and I still have to call stuff like this PFM.  Pure F'in Magic, as my friend would say.  It's PFM because they're not really doing it.  There's no way they can do it.  There isn't enough room for 8GB.  I took transistor classes and even did nanotech research.  I know how small this crap can get.  But 8GB?!  I still remember the 5MB Barracuda brics in the old computers.  Maybe Purdue didn't offer How To Rip A Hole In The Space Time Continuum To Get More Memory When You Run Out Of Room 101.  Whatever the case, welcome to the future, boys and girls.  Pretty soon we'll have flying cars like the Jetsons. Monday July 7, 2008 Bored at Subway I like this.  If you're like me, when you go to eat somewhere you finish your meal before the person or people you're with.  This is mainly because I happen to love food and enjoy wolfing it down as if I haven't eaten in weeks.  This clever fellow has combined Subway boredom with childhood fancies of putting things over your head that would make your mother have a heart attack. Oh, Those Crazy Japanese This video is hilarious.  Apparently it takes place in Japan, where we already know there are way too many people and way too little space.  And the guys that actually work at the subway that are contributing to the shoving are awesome.  I want that job.  I'd always choose to shove the nearest lady, of course.  But seriously, your job is to shove people as hard as you can for the purpose of packing them into areas where they shouldn't fit.  And I don't even want to know how many safety violations that would break in America. Anyway, I can't imagine what it's actually like when you get onto the train with all the people packed in there like sardines.  I was waiting for the windows to successively explode like in the old cartoons when a fat guy tries to put on a tight button-up shirt and each button shoots off down the shirt after he barely gets the last one fastened. Tuesday July 8, 2008 Real Life Warner Bros. Character I'm a huge fan of the old days of cartoons.  As a kid, some of my favorite days were staying home "sick" and  watching Warner Bros. cartoons.  Bugs Bunny, Yosemite Sam, Roadrunner, Sylvester...you can't find a better cartoon.  And I can't help but think of Sylvester singing this song while strolling down a street, of course spitting all over the place with his trademark lisp.  As the old addage goes, "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.  Give a man a Bugs Bunny DVD, and he'll laugh for a lifetime."  Or something like that. Prohibition REALLY Didn't Work I don't know about you, but if I was alive during Prohibition this picture would not have convinced me to stop drinking.  These women are enough to make a guy drink that didn't even like to before Prohibition.  In fact, I've even heard rumors that this advertisement is what sent some of the 1919 Black Sox players over the edge.  No wonder the mafia became so big during this era. It Could Only Happen In Florida Here is an article reminding you to always put your emergency brake on when you are parked on a hill.  I just wish I was there to see it.  Apparently the car got so much momentum, it hit 40 mph and was actually airborn at one point.  Am I the only one with images of Blues Brothers in my head? Darwin Award Nomination Every year, we see evidence that natural selection is alive and well.  People getting themselves killed who are simply asking for it.  Today's nomination is a man who was being a jackass and baiting police to arrest him.  Not sure if the man had any offspring, but let's hope not.  Not so much for their grief, but because we really don't want his genes floating around in the human genepool. Penalty Shots Are Cool I, like much of America, am not a huge fan of soccer.  But I do enjoy watching when there are penalty shots.  It's like fighting in hockey or crashes in NASCAR.  Really no point in watching otherwise.  This cat would make a fantastic goalie.  They don't say "cat-like reflexes" for no reason.  Just like they don't say "Rosie O'Donnell-like buffet prowess" for no reason. Wednesday July 9, 2008 Egads, I've actually been busy today at work.  I don't like this change of pace.  Next thing you know they'll actually start expecting productivity out of me.  And we all know where that road leads.  Well, usually a promotion or some sort of job security, but ALSO more work.  But I found some weird pictures of houses/buildings in some messed up places: This one sort of reminds of those pieces of art the start as one object and then morph into another.  But I like this place.  I would love to live there, so long as I didn't have a job or maintain any sort of lifestyle that involved leaving the place more than once a week.  I just hope that water is fairly deep and those two little stilt legs actually get thicker and are really sturdy down in there.  Also, I would like the option to run head first out a window and dive into the water.  Both for fun and as a good way relieve some stress.  I also wonder if that square opening on the left side of the rock is where they dock their Millenium Falcon.  Yeah, I went there. Here is another one that would be really cool...for a day or two anyway.  I'd be afraid to turn on a blow dryer, cook dinner, or even talk too much for fear that at any moment it could melt down on me.  But it does look super cool.  I picture myself putting up a big screen on the wall and reliving the part in Superman when Kal-El sees his dad using all the crazy cyrstals.  Actually, this house has probably already melted into the ocean and killed 100 polar bears. This house makes me think of what it must be like when Santa gets stuck in a chimney.  He's going down through his run and next thing he knows he's stuck and not getting out.  I'd hate to think what would happen if any of those rocks shifted.  Or just if a person who was a little too heavy starting jumping up and down.  But it does look really cool, I have say. Thursday July 10, 2008 If you couldn't tell, I like cartoons; especially, the classic Bugs Bunny and Disney type of cartoons.  If you watched cartoons at all, or pretty much any slipstick comedy show, like The Honeymooners or Three Stooges, then you've seen the bit where someone jumps on a fold-up bed and gets trapped between the bed and the wall.  Well, it happened in Russia, and the result is not quite so knee-slapping hilarious as you'd think. Friday July 11, 2008 I went to bed too late last night, and I'm paying for it.  Luckily, humans have figured out how to brew coffee, so my 3 remaining functional brain cells are operating at full power.  Just as luckily, I seem to be  done with work for the day since my boss is not in the office and doesn't appear to be coming back any time soon.  And you know what that means.  Time to find the end of the internet: I Haven't Seen Everything Every time I say to myself that I've seen everything, something like this comes along.  A bald freakin' squirrel.  It looks like one of those naked molerats.  I kinda like this guy, though.  Especially because his name is Smoothie the Squirrel.  My friends used to call me Smoothie, but I won't get into that...  Anyway, maybe in my free time (which I obviously have way too much of) I should start raising hairless squirrels.  Then the hairless and nuts comments would slowly melt together into an endless bout of teasing from everyone I know Coolest Keyboard EVER Well, time to sell the second kidney.  This keyboard is probably the coolest thing I've ever seen.  Well, maybe not.  But definitely the coolest thing I've seen today.  Each key is a separate OLED that you can change manually.  That way your hotkeys can actually have the logo of your favorite sites and stuff.  And when you press the Shift button, all the letters on the keyboard change to capital letters.  Sure, it's over $1000, but it's gotta be worth it.  Or, knowing me, I'd probably break the stupid thing in a couple days. That Van's A-Rockin...Don't Go A-Knockin Here is a good one.  This had to be supremely embarassing.  I just want to know how they explained that one to their daughter afterward.  "Those were love screams, honey." I Love Nintendo Some of the best times I had as a kid were playing Nintendo.  Classic games.  I still have my 8-bit Nintendo and play it regularly.  And Mario is a classic that is still fun to play.  Ahh, the memories.  My older siblings telling me there were secrets or free guys at the bottom of pits.  Then I'd stupidly jump down the hole and die.  Then I would get upset and Mom would yell at them. And these wall graphics are awesome.  And I'm not even talking about for a son or daughter.  I want to buy this thing right now.  Unfortunately, I still need to find a girlfriend, and my already-bad odds would plumit to all-time lows once she saw my room looked like this.